For many years, as the BBC’s Senior Radio Drama Producer in The South and West of England, my brief was to encourage regional aspiring radio writers.
They would often ask me what I was looking for and not wanting to receive piles of derivative thrillers, historical romances or marital melodramas, I would reply that I wanted to be totally amazed and delighted by an entirely original piece of work.
I added that I was not looking for plays that began with a husband and wife arguing at breakfast, as I already had a plethora of these.
Hard of Hearing by Colin Haydn Evans was the exception that proved the rule. I have lost my recording of it. However the following transcript can be useful to participants.
Without any obvious exposition the opening two minutes tells us far more about the husband and wife than the equivalent opening of This Gun In My Right Hand Is Loaded.
Directors and actors: try working on the microphone technique and acting techniques to contrast clearly between TO SELF and ALOUD voice.
With the INTERNAL or TO SELF voice, speak thoughtfully and very quietly and close to the mic. (Speak across the mic rather than into it, so you don’t pop it). For the ALOUD voice stand about an arm’s length from the mic and pick up the surrounding acoustic.
Notice how Colin establishes the convention of the internal voice that he is to use throughout the play.
Incidentally both comic timing and the quality of Brian’s sighs are crucial.
To the actress playing June and to the director: Try the correct microphone technique on this scene and play back to give yourself notes. If you feel that Brian could hear June’s thought voice, then you will need to re-record.
The Script
ANNOUNCER:
(FADE MUSIC. SFX OF TWO PEOPLE EATING BREAKFAST).
JUNE:
I was reading the other day of this man who used to talk to hedgehogs. The only problem he said was that he never knew the meaning of what he said to them.
(BRIAN SIGHS)
JUNE:
Lyme Regis. I think he lived in Lyme Regis.
BRIAN:
Er – hum.
JUNE:
He did not know the meaning of what he said to them.
(PAUSE)
BRIAN:
JUNE:
Yes.
BRIAN:
Over breakfast?
JUNE:
It’s Saturday, Brian.
BRIAN:
Ruddy Mecca, if you ask me. Light at the end of the week’s tunnel.
(PAUSE)
JUNE:
Didn’t Maureen used to have a residential caravan near there? It’s in Dorset isn’t it, Lyme Regis? They used to spend the second half of September in it.
(BRIAN SIGHS AGAIN)
JUNE:
He went on to say that the principle could be equally well applied to the Colorado Beetle. Talking to them, I mean. He felt it might be good news for potato farmers.
BRIAN:
Toast.
If you want any more there won’t be enough.
BRIAN:
(TO HERSELF) He said grazing her eyes with his.
(SFX: SHE PUTS ANOTHER SLICE INTO TOASTER)
BRIAN:
BRIAN:
JUNE:
(ALOUD, ON ECHO FROM PAST) How do you mean: ‘thinking of me’?
BRIAN:
JUNE:
BRIAN:
JUNE:
(TO HERSELF) Marriage isn’t a miracle after all. It’s just two people looking for one, which makes it twice as hard to find.
JUNE:
(ALOUD) There’s still time before tea, Brian.
BRIAN:
What? Oh yeah.
More notes to actors